Are you suffering from PNWFB?

It’s that time of year where the nights draw in and the nip in the air starts to bite a little more. It’s also at this point in the year when BNWFB really hits hard.

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PNWFB (Post National Watersports Festival Blues) is a serious condition commonly affecting many watersports enthusiasts during the month of September.  This condition commonly affects those who attended the National Watersports Festival on the first weekend in September, however in recent years the addition of new vectors such as, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube, have extended its reach nationally and even across international borders. 2014 has been a particularly devastating year due to the addition of a ‘Live Stream’. Infection through this new medium is particularly dangerous as for most it is combined with a large dose of ‘regret’.

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The symptoms of PNWFB are varied, but can be grouped into Physical and Psychological effects.

Physical Effects

The physical effects can be debilitating! Pain in the feet is very common, with sufferers describing the feeling like the ‘soles being hit repeatedly with a large sledge hammer’ this symptom does tend to subside after two to three days.

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Sufferers of PNWFB often experience unexplained bruises and in some cases more serious injuries, such as broken or infected fingers, badly sprained ankles and possible broken wrists. These injuries’ often appear early, with many sufferers discovering them on the Sunday morning, before the festival has even ended.

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A Dicky stomach is a common symptom, many believe this could be caused by eating undercooked burgers, while others speculate that it may be due to consumption of jagermeister. The jury is still out on this one.

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Aching limbs are a common problem in PNWFB sufferers, some of these aches can be explained by the sufferer’s water activities over the festival, others however cannot! It is highly likely that these extra aches are the result of ‘dancing or moshing’, something most sufferers only do only once or twice a year.

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Headache this is a given in sufferers and usually hits early on Sat and Sun morning. Many sufferers describe this as similar to alcohol withdrawal?????

Allergic reaction to traditional work clothes, namely, shoes, boots and shirts. This results in rashes, squashed toes, shortness of breath due to restrictions around the neck and over heating.

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Psychological Effects

The most common symptom here is a lack of motivation at work. Daydreaming about the sunny shores of Hayling Island and the urge to constantly check social media streams. Compounds this problem.

Those who are hit hard by PNWFB can often be seen going to the toilet with a roll of toilet paper in hand, just in case.

Suffers of PNWFB may find the urge to race hitting them at any time. Suffers have been observed pushing work colleagues out of the way, just to get their photocopying first. Suffers can try to control this by making a mental check first; if you can see a jet ski zooming in front of you, or you can hear an air horn its ok to race, if not, then don’t!

The sudden inexplicable compulsion to sell old stuff and buy new stuff. This symptom is a common trait in most watersports enthusiasts, but is definitely more pronounced in those who attended the National Watersports Festival on that first weekend in September.

Verbal diarrhoea is common, sufferers feel as the need to tell everybody they meet about their experiences. It the listener is a fellow watersports enthusiast these conversations can go on for hours.

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Methods to ease symptoms

Although there is currently no cure for PNWFB there are a few techniques that can help sufferers ease the symptoms.

As soon as you get home from work change into boardies and a Tee. Then slip into your flip flops or Dudes and relax with the tablet. Indulge in the video streams, photo albums and drone footage shared online in the week after the festival. Share your own experiences with others. Upload your pictures, videos, and stories. Use the existing social media streams, but try to do this outside of work hours. And remember to tag everything #nationalwatersportsfestival.  This can be a very cathartic process for sufferers.  Cutting the lawn can wait for a few more days.

Hit the water at the earliest opportunity, being in or near water is proven to alleviate all of the symptoms previously discussed.

Finally get next year’s dates in the calendar at the earliest opportunity. This will inevitably lead to a further bout of PNWFB next year, but one thing all sufferers understand is that the National Watersports Festival is highly addictive!

Words by Phil Plume

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